


flight of the bumblebee

by qotsisajakk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, F/M, If You Squint - Freeform, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qotsisajakk/pseuds/qotsisajakk
Summary: She should get the sand - and gravel, and rocks -  and run all the way home and make things right for him. Although, the fish had gotten her into this mess in the first place, however inadvertently, so maybe she should move him to Finn’s room where she wouldn’t have to look at his little fins swishing away ever again, reminding her of-Rey's betta fish needs an upgrade in living conditions. When she posts a question asking for help, she gets a little more than she bargained for.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 26
Kudos: 174
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	flight of the bumblebee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OptimisticBeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OptimisticBeth/gifts).



> Happy Valentine's Day!

It was early February and the wind had developed an unusually vicious bite as the day had gone on. By the time Rey left work for the day and started her walk home, the way it buffeted around her face felt like thousands of tiny needles embedding themselves into her nose and cheeks, Determinedly tugging her scarf over her nose, she trekked onwards as quickly as the icy sidewalks allowed, desperate to get home and change into sweatpants.

School today had been a slog, the children unable to sit still knowing it was the Friday before their break, and Rey unable to summon the necessary firmness to demand their focus. After lunch she’d given up entirely and shown a movie on the old projector she’d dug out of the storage closet and refurbished herself at home a few months previously, and all had been well for teacher and students. Normally Rey chose not to rely on technology so heavily, but truth be told she was just as ready for the week off as they were. And just as eager to get home, though for a decidedly different purpose.

Traffic was subdued today, the usual cacophony of honking horns and raised voices she encountered during rush hour on pause. Apparently no one could be bothered to expend precious energy on road rage, but she jogged through the crosswalk outside her building just the same, her bag thumping rhythmically against her side as she went.

By the time she stomped up 4 flights of stairs and unlocked her door, her toes had made their presence known again which was reassuring. Toeing off her boots, she crossed through her small living room space and to her kitchen to put the kettle on. It was quiet, so Finn must be at Poe’s - Rey suspected she’d be looking for a new roommate when the lease she and Finn shared went up for renewal in October. He’d only been seeing Poe for six months, but if the dazed look on both of their faces whenever she saw them together and the... _enthusiastic_ moans she’d heard a few times on accident were anything to go by, it was serious.

And Rey was happy for Finn, really, it’s just that she’d never known love like that (or at all, if she wanted to be totally honest with herself but that was a problem for wine night) and the older she got the more she was starting to think she never would.

She hasn’t been kissed since undergrad. She’s never even taken her pants off in front of another person that isn’t Finn, and he doesn’t count. Her entire body sometimes feels full to bursting with unsuppressed longing for someone to talk to, someone who is all hers that she doesn't have to share or compromise on.

Logically, Rey knew it was the repressed trauma of her parents abandonment surfacing at times like these. She was not broken because they left her - they must have been the broken ones for doing so. But emotionally, deep down in a dark place she tried not to dwell on, she wonders if she was devoid of something that leant itself to loving her. Maybe they’d had no choice - maybe she had been cold, and unfeeling and they’d sensed that she would never inspire warmth or affection in anyone.

They weren’t wrong, anyway, if that was the case. No foster family had held onto her. Plutt had been the longest, and that was only because she was fast and knew the difference between a basin wrench and a monkey wrench, which came in handy when he needed free labor at the shop. She had a boyfriend, briefly, in sixth form and once she’d come to America for university a few fumbled make out sessions in sweaty dorm rooms.

And that was that.

The kettle whistled, and Rey busied herself pouring the water over her teabag and stirring in some milk. She carried it into her room and shucked her slacks in exchange for a ratty but comfy old pair of sweatpants Rose had talked her into taking from the lost and found at the YMCA, then exchanged her blouse for an oversized t-shirt swiped from the same location.

She sat on her bed and logged into her laptop, nestling her mug in between her crossed legs in the bend of her knee as she opened up a new tab. She’d recently joined a forum on fishkeeping, to try and improve the life of Bumblebee, the betta fish Temiri, one of her students, had won at the school carnival for her.

She’d started him off in the little bowl he’d arrived in, but a quick google had informed her it was inhumane, which had begun the process of purchasing a tank, heater and the proper lighting. Now, she had to work on the proper filtration of the water and picking out the right gravel for him and the people who kept fish were remarkably kind, at least for internet strangers.

**RJohn94:** _Picking gravel for my betta - any suggestions?_

She opened another tab to try and find something on Youtube to entertain herself with, knowing it would probably just be another low res episode of Air Crash Investigations. Back in the day, her dream job had been to fly planes. Now, she settled for the horror stories surrounding them.

A ping from the chat sounded.

**BooBooBantha:** _Go with sand instead of gravel, mimics their natural environment_

**Senat0r:** _sand!!_

**GeneralYeed:** _sand will hold plants better but gravel is prettier_

**RJohn94:** _thank you!!_

The search for aquarium sand on PetSmart’s website lasted for about 30 seconds before another ping was heard. This time, when she opened the site, there was a private message request from someone calling themself Kylo Ren. Hesitantly, she clicked accept, hoping it wasn’t anything rude. Every now and then some asshole had comments to make about the server, which struck Rey as borderline psychopathic. Who got upset about a bunch of people trying to keep fish healthy?

**KyloRen:** _The people who responded to you are incorrect. You’re going to want to layer sand, soil and gravel for your subtrate. It will give you a natural look and helps grow beneficial bacteria._

**RJohn94:** _Thanks. I’m sure other people would like to know that too_

**KyloRen:** _In all honesty, I have online posting anxiety. Man to man is less intimidating. Feel free to pass along to the masses._

Her sympathy for Kylo Ren’s anxiety disappeared as quickly as it had arrived.

**RJohn94:** _Not a man, actually. Though I have to ask, do you think women can’t figure out discord or that women can’t keep aquariums? Or maybe both?_

**KyloRen:** _Neither. Just thought your name was John._

**RJohn94:** _Uhh awkward. Sorry._

**KyloRen:** _Sexist of you to assume I was being sexist, don’t you think?_

Rey was mortified. Unequivocally, undoubtedly mortified. This was so typical - hackles always up, guard never down, waiting for someone to try and doubt her so she can prove them wrong. 

**RJohn94: i** _’m SO sorry. Thank you for the advice - and I can see how my username would be misleading._

**KyloRen:** _I was trying to be clever, didn’t come across well. This is why I don’t post for everyone to see. If I’m not starting a misunderstanding, I’m aggravating one._

**RJohn94:** _consider me un-aggravated._

**KyloRen:** _is that even a word, sir?_

**RJohn94:** _fuck off 😂_

**RJohn94:** _how do you know so much about betta fish anyway_

**KyloRen:** _My roommate in college had one he persistently neglected. I got invested in the little guy and found the hobby relaxing. Haven't had my own setup in a couple of years but I like to offer advice where I can._

**KyloRen:** _I apologize if I'm incorrect, but I'm assuming it's your first fish?_

**RJohn94:** _yup, he is. His name is Bumblebee. A kid at my elementary school gave him to me so I figured I'd better step up and take care of him._

She hit send, then immediately realized how it could be misconstrued. The following message was constructed hastily, her fingers flying over the keyboard.

**RJohn94:** _OMG I'm not in elementary school I'M A TEACHER wow that reads so badly_

**KyloRen:** _Reassuring, thank you. Though I have to ask, what is an elementary school child doing handing out fish?_

**RJohn94:** _we have a winter carnival every year after Christmas break, and for some reason they refuse to drop the animal cruelty and continue handing out fish as prizes. I protested VEHEMENTLY last year but I'm not tenured yet and cant quite afford to lose my job over it_

She paused before pressing send - for some reason Mister Internet Stranger has her more inclined to chat than she normally would be and _why is that Rey, could it be that you're lonely_ \- fuck it. Not like she’d be easy to track down and strangle based on job description alone. 

**KyloRen:** _Losing your job over a fish is most definitely not worth it. I'd say you made the right call. How long does tenure take? I've always wondered about that._

Rey doubted he had but it seemed like he wanted an excuse to keep the conversation going and truthfully, so does she so she obliged him.

**RJohn94:** _it can vary, but generally 3 years at the same school. Can't leave districts or it resets. I'm on year 2 and just finished my Masters program in December so ~fingers crossed~ as long as I can survive another winter of fish exploitation, I'm in the clear to stage full on protests._

**KyloRen:** _Impressive. Getting through grad school while teaching must have been incredibly challenging_

It _was_ challenging. And scary, and so so _so_ hard without anyone to support her besides Finn and she'd barely made it through with her sanity intact. It feels validating to have someone recognize it, stranger that they are. But now she felt the overwhelming urge to say goodbye, go to the store for Bumblebee, and stop bothering Kylo Ren before she embarrassed herself. The problem with never sharing is being scared when the time comes to try it. 

**RJohn94:** _yeah it really was but can't complain now...i got a fish out of it :) thanks again for the advice. Have a nice night!!_

Her tea was cold, and the sip she took was far from soothing. She hoped- fleetingly- that he'd respond, but no notifications came through. She switched tabs and pressed play on her YouTube video - judging by the thumbnail, a flight attendant was going to get sucked out of a hole in the plane. Explosive decompression could always be counted on to darken an already black mood.

* * *

An incredibly loud BANG jolted Rey out of the sleep she must have nodded off into. Her mouth had a vaguely sweet taste to it, leftover from the sugar in her tea she’s sure, but her throat was so dry she prayed it was just Finn since no one would hear her scream if it wasn’t.

She listened intently, her pulse quickening as the seconds ticked by and she inched quietly towards the window as they went. Mercifully, her mattress was pressed against the bottom of the sill. If the need presented itself she’d be out on the fire escape faster than any potential intruder could lunge. Though, now that she was able to take a shaky breath inward, it did just sound like a tipsy Finn tearing into a bag of chips.

Only when the muffled sounds of ESPN started to make their way through her bedroom door did she finally flop backwards. Her pillow was cold, and there was a crick in her neck from falling asleep sitting up. She wished it wasn't dark already - winter months put her in a miserable mood to begin with. Sleeping half of her evening away and waking up to a false burglar alarm and no sunlight made her feel like a bigger piece of shit than she did two hours ago getting emotional over a discord chat.

She idly ran her palms up and down the covers below her, a mock snow angel maneuver. The cool air blowing onto the bottom of her foot through a hole in her sock was sending goosebumps up her calf, and she knew she should call an Uber to take her to PetSmart, or suck it up and walk - it was only 15 or so blocks and she could use the fresh air and the wind chill was going to be unreal...but there was a halal cart she could stop at on her way back, and today was pay-

_Ping_

She sat forward again, and dragged her laptop closer before clicking on the tab she’d forgotten was open.

**KyloRen:** _Ok, so this might seem strange and I apologize in advance if it comes across as anything creepy. But I enjoyed our brief conversation, earlier. And I think I would like to continue having one - a conversation, that is - if you’d be amenable to it._

Oh. _Oh._ This is better than she could have hoped for. Distant warning bells from internet safety seminars past clanged , but there was no harm in online friends who knew a lot about betta fish and asked her about tenure. Right?

**RJohn94:** _I was thinking the same thing. On one condition tho_

Rey sucked her lower lip between her teeth and bit down, knowing she looked goofy but unable to care because she thought she might be about to flirt with this person.

**RJohn94:** _what's your name?_

**KyloRen:** _rather destroys the point of a username, doesn't it? But I'll show you mine if you show me yours._

Was that flirting? Or just outright hitting on her? Maybe he wasn't used to talking to women? 

**RJohn94:** _haha gross. My name is Rey._

**KyloRen:** _Hello, Rey. I'm Ben_

**RJohn94:** _Hello, Clarice_

**KyloRen:** _Fuck, a_ _m I really that creepy?_

**RJohn94:** _sorry couldn't help it lol. So what else do you do besides offer helpful advice to beta fish enthusiasts??_

**KyloRen:** _I work in government._

**RJohn94:** _Republican or Democrat?_

**KyloRen:** _some people would consider that rude_

**RJohn94:** _some people work in public education and fundamentally disapprove of lack of funding or charter schools based on religious mumbo jumbo_

**KyloRen:** _fair point. Neither, actually. I'm involved with security for my state's government._

**RJohn94:** _ooh, mysterious._

**KyloRen:** _sounds more glamorous than the reality of it, I can assure you_

**KyloRen:** _what are you doing this evening?_

Rey looked down at her gray outfit and mismatched socks, and considered telling the truth. Sounding more glamorous than reality sounded appealing right about now. She briefly considered concocting an elaborate story about a party on a rooftop somewhere, with an open bar and black tie attire. She rethought it, and settled for something in between.

**RJohn94:** _just relaxing tonight. I prefer Saturday evenings for socializing...by the end of the week I need a good chunk of time to let my brain go chatter free_

**RJohn94:** _besides this, obviously. This is fine._

She could kick herself. Subtle **.**

**KyloRen:** _ahh, understandable. What does a typical Saturday night look like for you, though?_

Watching UFC with Finn. Or ordering three large french fries at McDonalds and eating them all as fast as humanly possible. Or seeing how many shots of tequila it took down at Maz's before Rose fell off of a stool. That was a typical Saturday. Decidedly unimpressive. She could probably make that sound better.

**RJohn94:** _Depends on how adventurous I'm feeling. You never know what can happen after midnight._

This guy was probably 60 something years old and balding. And here she was, indulging him. She considered calling out to Finn to ask him the most appropriate way to demand a photo of someone you were chatting to. But then the photo could be bullshit anyway. And why did it matter, again? She picked the _worst_ opportunities for socialization. 

**KyloRen:** _S_ _ounds scandalous._

Yep. _Definitely_ hitting on her. Rey was practical. She filed her tax returns as early as she could. She'd worked 3 jobs for years. Her rent, phone, and utilities were paid before food even crossed her mind. If she walked alone at night, she carried pepper spray and she never, ever got weird with people she didn't know. She hadn't even had an Omegle phase like the other girls in her foster home. 

And yet, for all that practicality, she still couldn't shake the mad impulse to keep pushing the envelope with this guy. With Ben. She knew to keep people at arms length, but the anonymity provided by the internet was like a free pass to behave however she wanted, say whatever she wanted without fear and it was intoxicating.

**RJohn94:** _What's your definition of scandalous?_

There was silence for a minute, then another. She squirmed, rubbing her ankles together under the warmth of her comforter. Too far? He'd seemed into it. She put her index finger on top of her eyelid and wiggled, blurring the screen in front of her as she itched at it. 

**KyloRen:** _Putting ketchup on a hotdog. Ordering a bagel untoasted and without cream cheese. A woman wandering past me on the street, then turning back to tap me on the shoulder and invite me back to her place for a blow job._

Rey felt a flush start creeping across her cheeks. She obviously knew what sex was, and how it worked, and even quite a bit about heavy petting. But anything more than that was...more of an unknown variable. She'd watched porn, of course, but her practical experience was decidedly slim. Maybe now was as good a time as any to try and...expand her horizons.

**RJohn94:** _I love ketchup on hot dogs. Never tried blowing a stranger off the street, though, so I couldn’t speak as to where it might fall on the scandal scale._

**KyloRen:** _Probably a solid 8, maybe 9. If you pick the right person it might be the time of your life_

**RJoh94:** _Are you advocating for me to go find a stranger’s dick to suck right now?_

**KyloRen:** _No._

**KyloRen:** _Not unless fate happened to intervene and I somehow ended up being the stranger._

Her face was definitely on fire now. In fact, she felt warm all the way down her neck and chest. Was this sexting? Maybe foreplay? _Was_ there foreplay before sexting? Maybe if there was he didn’t need it. Ben seemed forward and direct, and had excellent grammar and spelling. 

**RJohn94:** _In my experience, fate doesn’t work that way. I think it’d be nice if it did, though._

**KyloRen:** _You do?_

**RJohn94:** _How old are you, anyway?_

**RJohn94:** _If you don’t mind_ **_._ **

**Kylo Ren:** _Not at all. 34_

**RJohn94:** _I was expecting much worse_

**KyloRen:** _Old man pervert, worse?_

**RJohn94:** _Yes, exactly. Though you could be lying and I’ll never know._

**KyloRen:** _This is true. Guess you’ll just have to trust me._

**KyloRen:** _Your turn._

**RJohn94:** _25, which I felt much worse about before you let me know you’re 2 years out from a nursing home_

**KyloRen:** **** _How rude. Didn’t realize you were such a naughty girl_

Rey muffled her squeal in her pillow, then put any qualms about sexting with a faceless stranger on the back burner. She could bullshit this. 

**RJohn94:** _I guess I’m a glutton for punishment._

**KyloRen:** _And how do you like to be punished?_

She tried very hard not to picture some shadowy figure laying her across their lap and smacking her arse until she was begging for relief.

**RJohn94:** _a little spanking goes a long way_

**KyloRen:** _fuck yes, it does. But if you like being spanked it's not really a punishment_

**KyloRen:** _I think I would tie you up instead._

Rey had to remind herself to keep breathing.

**KyloRen:** _would you like that, Rey?_

**RJohn94:** _I've never tried. You would be my first_

**KyloRen:** _Jesus that's the hottest thing I've ever read_

She couldn't help but giggle. If only he knew all the ways in which that was true.

**KyloRen:** _I would go easy on you the first time, don't worry. Just your wrists and ankles to each corner of my bed. So you'd be all spread open for me. Enough for me to be able to touch you wherever I felt like touching. What color are your nipples?_

Rey pulled her shirt up quickly and smushed her chin against her chest to take a look. 

**RJohn94:** _pink_

**KyloRen:** _of course they are. Do they get flushed when someone is rough with them, sweetheart?_

Rey's chest hurt. _Sweetheart._ He said it so easily. Like it was second nature. No one had ever called her that before. 

**RJohn94:** _you can't call me sweetheart, you don't even know me_

**KyloRen:** _youre right. I think I'd like to, though._

Rey sighed in contentment and slid her hand into the waistband of her sweats. Her left hand typed while the right lightly dragged across the slightly damp surface of her underwear.

**RJohn94:** _prove it._

* * *

**KyloRen:** _Christ._

Rey's mouth was dry. And she knew there were cars and trucks whizzing past her home, horns beeping, people shouting but the only thing she could hear was her heartbeat thumping loudly in her ears. Her legs were heavy and she was covered in a sheen of rapidly cooling sweat, but somehow she wasn't ready to nod off. In fact, she felt ready to try again.

**RJohn94:** _just Rey is fine_ **_😏_ **

**KyloRen:** _Fine is the LAST word I would use to describe you. Incredible. Amazing. An old man can only take so much_

**RJohn94:** _sorry grandpa_

**RJohn94:** _just for the record_

**RJohn94:** _ive never done anything like that before. Like, online. With someone I don't know_

**KyloRen:** _neither have I. Something about you just...got me going. I really hope you're not a man_

**KyloRen:** _not that I have a problem with that. Fuck. Jesus.I didn’t mean that homphobically. I’m just straight, as far as I know and you seem like a wonderful woman and_

**_KyloRen_ ** _: Anyway. Do you like music?_

Rey laughed. And laughed some more, and then her shoulders were shaking and her eyes had tears in them.

**RJohn94:** _yes, Ben. I like music_

* * *

  
  
  
By the time morning rolled around Rey was exhausted. She had been up until 3am talking to Ben. Well, mostly talking. There had been some more masturbating too. 

Ok, _a lot_ more masturbating. He'd convinced her to download the websites app to her phone and it had drastically improved the speed of which she could type her messages while on the edge of orgasm. 

She felt deliciously naughty. It was her own little secret, and if Finn had happened to notice the pink tinge to her cheeks or heard any stray moans he hadn't said a peep this morning when she passed by him and Poe eating cereal at the counter.

Ben was just...incredible. He knew all the right things to say to her, things she'd never even imagined she would want to hear. He praised her mind and her work ethic, and his speculation on what her body would feel like underneath his was enough to send shivers down her spine in remembrance.

She knew she was smiling obnoxiously as she went down the street, but she really couldn't help it. She finally felt _seen,_ even if it happened to be through a computer screen and by a person she wasn't even sure was telling the truth about who they were.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out quickly and swiped to unlock her screen. There was a notification from him. She smiled again, even wider if possible.

**KyloRen:** _good morning_ ****

**RJohn94:** _I was just thinking about you_

**KyloRen:** _were you?_

**RJohn94** : _yes, I'm considering ordering an untoasted bagel with butter on it._

**KyloRen** : _I hope you drop it in a puddle the second you leave the place with it_

**RJohn94** : _you're a monster_

**KyloRen** : _you have no idea. Is that your only plan for the morning?_

**RJohn94:** _pretty much, my day is wide open. I like to keep my time free on break weeks._

She looked up from her phone and placed her order with the barista - a vanilla latte and a toasted sesame with strawberry cream cheese, not that she would be letting Ben know that - then shuffled over to a seat and put her bag down.

  
  
  
The clink of the porcelain plate being set on her table pulled her out for a moment.

"Thank you," Rey muttered, pulling her cup and saucer closer to inhale the sweet, milky aroma of the latte and let the warm steam wash over her still chilled face. She glanced back down at her phone and -

**KyloRen:** _I was wondering if I could call you_

Her heart skipped a beat. And then she shoved her phone back into her pocket and tore a chunk off of her bagel hastily, the tips of her fingers smeared with cream cheese. She twisted the napkin around them, chewing but not quite tasting. When she swallowed, she couldn't remember talking the bite at all.

It would be crazy. Irresponsible. If he heard her, he wouldn't like her. He'd hang up at her first giggle snort, or dislike the way gaps in conversations made her nervous so she filled them with "uhhh" instead.

Or, and this may have been even scarier, he could like her. And want more than phone conversations, just as he wanted more than discord chatting. He could ask for pictures, or her Snapchat. He could murder her or be from a different country and try to extort money. He could _actually be an old fucking man._

Or it could work out. He could be a friend - or something. It could be _nice._

She chomped off a bite, shoving the mass towards her right cheek with her tongue. The strawberry was more pronounced now that she was paying attention, the light tang of it sending her salivary glands into overdrive. Her phone buzzed again.

**Kylo Ren** : _I'm sorry. That was inappropriate._

**KyloRen** : _It was not my intention to cross a line._

She should let it die, right now. Her thumb hovered over the smudged screen, over the option menu where she knew the block button resided. It would all be a memory in a few days. Just a silly evening, irresponsible but amusing. It would be nothing.

**RJohn94** : _send me your number. Safer, that way._

**KyloRen** : _Thank you._

**KyloRen** : _917-724-0003_

A New York City area code.

She dialed, pushed back from the table, and for the first time in her life left food uneaten as she speed walked outside. It rang twice, and then -

“Hello, Rey.”

She stopped and sagged against the outside of the building. His voice was soft and deep, soothing but she could tell there was a slight edge to it. Something coiled, that waited to strike.

“I - hi, hi Ben,” she sputtered, her chest rising and falling heavily as cold air rushed in and out.

“You’re British?” He sounded surprised, but the way his voice went high made her think he was more than okay with the accent.

“English, actually. But listen, Ben, I live in Brooklyn,” she said, then stuck her thumb in her mouth and chewed nervously on the nail.

"Holy shit," he exhaled. "I saw the New York area code but -you're not gonna believe this, but so do I."

Rey couldn't help it - she laughed out loud, watching her breath twist away in the air. 

"What are the odds of this?" She looked up, the clouds gray and scuttling quickly across the sky.

"I really don't know, but they can't be high," he replied. "Where in Brooklyn are you?"

  
  


"Carroll Gardens," she answered automatically, past the point of caring.

"Holy shit," he said again, disbelief evident. "I'm in Brooklyn Heights - well actually, I work in Manhattan but I live - holy _shit._ Can I meet you somewhere? Anywhere. I don't care, you tell me where you'll feel safest. Bring a friend. Bring two, I don't know - Rey, I _have_ to meet you," he finished in a rush, and she heard him suck in a breath nervously.

"Aren't you at work?" She asked weakly, sliding down the brick exterior behind her slightly. "It's only 9 o'clock."

"I'll leave right now, if you want me to," he muttered. "It's not a big deal. Or we can talk some more, whenever you want. Until you decide."

She weighed her options. Talking more would be the smart thing to do. But he sounded so earnest, and her body was...reacting to it and she wanted to see his face. It wasn't all that different from a blind date, she could drop Finn a pin with her location…

"Yes," she breathed, softer than she intended but it must have had an effect because he practically _groaned_ into the phone.

"Just tell me where, Rey," he said. 

"Uhh..how about PetSmart? On Atlantic Avenue?" She puffed her cheeks out afterward.

"Perfect. Give me an hour," he said, and she heard the faint clicking of a keyboard. "I'll have a suit on, and a grey coat. My tie is red. You?"

A fucking _suit?_ She was wearing a nice pair of jeans, but good lord. 

"Tan jacket and...a really big blue scarf," she fingered the chunky knit of it lightly, looping a finger through one of the holes. Rose had made it for her last fall, and... _Rose._ She had to tell Rose. She would know what to do. Her apartment was 30 seconds away, she could go over. The walk to PetSmart would only be 10 minutes or so from there.

“Perfect,” he said. “One hour?”

“Yes,” she answered quickly. “Bye, Ben.”

She ended the call, put her scarf over her mouth, and shrieked.

  
  
  


Rose met her outside after she buzzed, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her bangs flopping into her eyes. She had a smudge of charcoal next to her temple, and Rey licked her thumb and rubbed it away just before Rose swatted at her hand.

“You have _got_ to stop doing that,” her nose crinkled up as she spoke. “It’s flu season.”

“Instinct,” Rey shrugged. “Now, how do I look?”

Rose looked her up and down with the critical eye only an artist could, before giving her a small smile.

“You look great.”

She sighed in relief, her shoulders dropping out of their tense position.

“Good, because I was worried I look frumpy and I know this is insane but-” 

“You do NOT look frumpy, and it’s not insane,” Rose said quietly “it’s no worse than that guy I hooked up with from Tinder after exchanging like, seven messages, or one of the many one night stands some of us have had. You’re just...sensitive to these things. And that’s okay, Rey, it really is. Just don’t get too crazy at first,” she finished, fluffing up Rey’s scarf as she did so. “I hope he’s hot. Or rich. Or both.”

“Thank you,” Rey whispered back, unshed tears shining in her eyes. “I needed that.”

“I know you did,” Rose patted her on the bicep twice “do you want me to come with and hide behind a garbage can in case he pulls some funny business?”

“I think I’ll be alright,” Rey pulled her phone out “but I am definitely sharing location. And with Finn, too.”

“Sounds good. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Rose hugged her tight, then turned and headed back towards her apartment. Rey put her hands in her pockets, and started the walk over to the store. 

  
  


The sun was making a bid to come out from behind the clouds, but the light was gray at best as she strode forwards, the light scrape of the soles of her boots rhythmic and soothing as she went. She was glad she’d made the stop. She’d only known Rose for a couple of years, right around the same time she met Finn, but she had a way of making her feel comforted that wasn’t familiar. She knew how to keep her distance, yet always come through when you needed her, and Rey liked that very much. 

In addition to her unparalleled knitting abilities, which she was once again thankful for as she pulled her scarf over her mouth for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. Her nose was starting to drip by the time she made it to the front doors of the store, and then her stomach seized up.

Typical. _Typical._ In year 7, Rey had swam on the school’s team. There were suits to be borrowed, as well as caps and goggles so it had been the cheapest option and she didn’t remember much from it but she did remember waiting for her first race, and Jess Pava leaning forward to ask her if she felt “the nervous poops” and being confused and appalled.

Right now, she wanted to look Jess up and thank her for giving her a name for what was occurring in her body. She wanted to throw up, shit, and die all at the same time. Were her palms sweating? She walked through the automatic doors towards the sea turtles, wiping her hands on her thighs as she went. This was the stupidest idea of all time. That man was going to walk in the door and stab her, and if he didn’t stab her he would be hideously ugly and Rey would be guilty for judging his appearance when he had been so charming online and on the phone, and if he wasn’t hideously ugly he would turn out to be just like the guy from _You_ that Finn had made her binge watch with him before Christmas.

She should get the sand - _and gravel, and rocks -_ for Bumblebee and run all the way home and make things right for him. Although, Bumblebee had gotten her into this mess in the first place, however inadvertently, so maybe she should move him to Finn’s room where she wouldn’t have to look at his little fins swishing away ever again, reminding her of-

“If you put one of those in his tank, he’ll eat them alive,” a low voice said just to her left. She blinked, pulled from the spiral of her thoughts to see she was standing in front of the guppy tanks and there was a man next to her who was ungodly tall and in a grey coat, his red tie peeping out from between the lapels.

A red tie.

She turned towards him fully, and looked up. He was a fucking giant. A very broad shouldered, trim waisted, giant. Rey was nearly 5’7 and she had to tilt her head back slightly to see his face. Which was...interesting. Not particularly handsome, if she was honest with herself. His nose was a little crooked, and he had a few moles dotted across his cheeks and forehead and a chin that was a little weak, though the stubble growing on it helped fill in some shadows. But he had glorious hair that almost brushed his shoulders and the fullness of his mouth was inviting. His eyes were a lovely, clear brown and focused intently on her own. 

“Hi,” she smiled, sticking her hand out, and prayed it didn’t look like a grimace.

“Rey,” he breathed back, and shook her proffered hand. Although _shook_ wasn’t the word for it so much as swallowed was. She fought back a gulp at the dry warmth of his palm meeting her own, and the gentle but firm pressure of his fingers squeezing around hers before he withdrew.

He clasped his hands behind his back, stretching the buttons of his dress shirt obscenely across his chest. She felt lightheaded. Hopefully he couldn’t tell. 

“You look...i mean, you _are_ more beautiful than I possibly could have imagined,” he told her, his eyes focused somewhere near her earlobe. Like he couldn’t look her in the eye. Like he was _nervous._

“You’re very kind. And very handsome,” she added. “I’m relieved you aren’t actually someones grandfather.”

“As far as you know,” the corners of his mouth turned up, almost a smile. “Would you like something to eat?”

“Yes,” she said “I almost always do.”

“You don’t look it,” he answered, then flinched. “Fuck. Not like that. I just meant you’ve got a very...small body.”

Rey stared, and considered the idea that this man might be even more anxious than she was.

“I wasn’t raised to comment on women’s appearances,” he offered up before she could ease his apprehension. “My mother is...well, we can talk about it later, if there is a later. Sometimes I get anxious. Not all the time. Actually, in regards to women I find attractive. Not that I’m going around meeting women every day. Jesus Christ,” he ran a hand across his mouth and she couldn’t drag her eyes off the size of his fingers as they went.

He was hot. And he was terrified, and he had made her come three times last night through the power of his words alone. Rey had been a passive observer of these things most of her life. Today, she decided, was the day that streak ended.

“Ben,” she said quietly “I like you, based on our previous interactions. Why don’t you take me somewhere for lunch, and we can just...talk,” she laid a hand on his forearm in what felt like the boldest movement of her existence.

“Perfect,” he said, and then they were on their way out the door.

She couldn’t help but steal glances at him as they went, the wind blowing his long hair back off of his forehead in an almost regal manner. He had maneuvered to her right side, to put himself between her and the road, the urge to shield her from harm instinctive. 

“So, where exactly do you work that you’re just able to take off whenever you want?” She asked, squinting as the wind picked up and stung at her eyes.

“Ah, I was hoping you’d save that for later,” he muttered, pressing the crossing button. “I work for Senator Organa’s office. Not in policy, of course,” he pressed a hand to the small of her back as they crossed, so lightly she wasn’t even sure it was there “but on the technology side. I’m a white hat. Occasionally, I work remotely for the state capitol.”

“Explain that to me a little further, please, if you don’t mind,” she replied, mourning the loss of his hand as they stepped back onto the sidewalk.

“It’s called ethical hacking. I go into emails, social media pages, cell phones, laptops you name it, then update the security from those findings securely,” he said. “How do you feel about sushi?”

“Could you hack into my computer, if you wanted to?” She asked, trying to keep the hint of suspicion out of her tone.

“Undoubtedly,” he said. “If you’re wondering if I did, the answer is emphatically no. That would be disgusting.”

“In that case,” Rey squeezed his elbow playfully “I love sushi. I will eat anything, to be honest. Do you know Senator Organa?”

“Great, there’s a place about 10 minutes away we can eat at. And yes, I do. She’s my mother.”

She almost tripped, but made up for the missed step with an awkward hop forward and tried not to throw up for the third time that morning. 

  
  
  
  


“Yes, but _why_ would you tell everyone you voted for him? He’s a fascist fuckwad!” Rey brandished the salmon roll pinched between her chopsticks at him, and he shook his head no with what she had quickly come to realize was his version of a megawatt smile.

“I was eighteen, it was my first election, and I was hardly speaking to either of my parents at the time. It felt like a great way to stick it to them. When I walked out of the booth behind her and the reporter put me on camera, I just...reacted,” he shrugged and took a sip of his tea. “Would you like more?”

“I absolutely could eat more, but I won’t,” she mumbled around the last of the roll. “I could go for dessert, though. Do they have fried ice cream here? Or milkshakes?”

He scanned the menu quickly, and shook his head from side to side.

“Do you want me to get you a milkshake?” He leaned forward in earnest. “We passed that Steak and Shake.”

Rey wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and eyed him suspiciously. “Don’t you have to get back to work soon?”

“I took the rest of the day off. I figured if it went well I would go home and furiously masturbate, and if it didn’t go well I’d go home and cry in the shower.”

“While masturbating?” She peeked up at him from behind her eyelashes, reveling in the pink flush on his cheeks. 

“Doubtful, but I’ll never know now,” he took his wallet out of the pocket of his pea coat and put an obscene amount of cash down. “Let’s go get you that milkshake.”

He offered his hand when she stood, and didn’t drop it on the walk back outside. Her full stomach did a flip, though not of illness or discomfort. He watched her stuff 30 some odd rolls in her mouth, plus both of their side salads and a bowl of miso soup and wasn’t acting like she was a feral raccoon. And then he _paid._ He was perfect.

“You don’t have to do your first option either,” she said quickly before she lost her nerve. “Furiously masturbate, I mean.”

A passing mother in a bright red sweatsuit pushing a stroller shot her a filthy look.

“Oops,” she looked up guiltily, but he seemed to have missed the exchange entirely, and was staring at her heatedly.

“What are you implying?” His thumb swept across the back of her hand and left a trail of fire in its wake. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for what was about to become her first attempt at a real life, in person sexual proposition.

“You can come back to my apartment with me, if you want. And we could...you know,” she finished lamely, sure she was blushing. Actually, her face felt like she’d skipped blushing and gone straight to being on fire.

He stopped in his tracks and dropped her hand. Panic flared in her. This was the part where he left her one the sidewalk alone, deleted her number, never came back.

“I’m sorry!” She turned to face him. His jaw had gone slack. “I just thought after last night, and lunch was so good and you’re so fun to talk to that maybe you would -”

“I’m a virgin,” he blurted. “I’ve never had sex.”

The fear coursing through her morphed into adrenaline fueled relief. He wasn’t leaving. He was scared, as much as she was. Judging from the sudden lack of color in his cheeks, maybe more scared than she was. Decision made, she stepped forward.

“So am I,” she slid her hands between his arms and waist. “What are the odds of that?”

“Astronomically low,” he answered lowly. “I’m not kidding. I was an awkward, antisocial teenager with anger management issues and no one interested me because they all knew I was Senator Organa’s son and just wanted a leg up. Or it felt like that, anyway. So I dove into computers and coding and that turned into hacking for the RNC and I could have gone to jail - I can show you the article, if you want - but then I was persona non grata for awhile and everyone knew my face from the papers and -”

“Ben,” Rey pressed her cheek into the wool of his lapel. “Come with me.”

He sucked in a breath, and enveloped her in his arms. He smelled like wood smoke and winter. 

“Okay,” he whispered into the top of her head. “Let’s go.”

The walk was quiet, but halfway through the tic in his jaw had eased up and he’d taken her hand again. Rey was full to bursting with excitement, not so much about the potential sex as she was _him._ He was awkward, and unsure of himself, and had a convoluted relationship with his parents which needed more unpacking but at least he could understand fucked up family dynamics, for when the time came to share hers. And he was a virgin, just like her. She wouldn’t have to make her way through things on sheer bravado because he had no clue what the fuck he was doing either. 

“I can’t believe we’re almost neighbors,” he broke their silence decisively. “I could have seen you at Trader Joes or something and never known you were…” he trailed off and waved his hand lazily.

“I avoid the Heights,” she said back. “That much money in one cluster makes me sweat.”

“Well, you aren’t in the worst neighborhood,” he replied cautiously. “You must do okay for yourself.”

“For the most part,” she answered. “I’m in the loan forgiveness program which is really the only way I manage to swing it. And having a roommate, obviously. Though I’ll probably be moving in the next few months when our lease comes up. He’s got a boyfriend he wants to move in with and I can’t swing the rent for our current place on my own. Being financially independent is extremely important to me.”

“I understand,” he squeezed her hand once then relaxed his grip again. “In that case, should I offer to let you buy the condoms?”

“Do we need them?” 

“I- I mean, pregnancy is...not good,” he looked flustered.

“Oh, well I’m on the Pill. And I don’t have any STD’s, seeing as I’ve never had the chance to receive any,” she shrugged. “We can use one if you’d like, though.”

“No, that’s fine with me if it’s fine with you,” his voice sounded strangled. “Where, exactly, is your apartment again?”

“Just around the corner,” she said back, still confused at the strain in his voice. “Are you alright?”

He exhaled heavily, a cloud of chilled air billowing around his face before fading away as he glanced down at her.

“I’ve never gone further than a blow job in my life, and now you, the most beautiful and fascinating person I’ve ever met in my life, are offering to let me have sex with you. And you don’t want to use a condom. I’m trying to stop an erection from growing in the middle of the street,” he answered matter of factly.

“Ah,” Rey pulled him along a little faster. “Let’s get you upstairs, then.”

He had to duck slightly to make it under the door frame, but once inside some of the tension melted off of his shoulders. He took her scarf from around her neck, and hung it neatly on the coat tree.

“My room is that one, on the right,” she pointed. “Do you want a glass of water?”

“No, no I’m - can I kiss you?” He asked, a hint of desperation in his tone.

“Oh, uhh, yes. Please. That would be - _unf,_ ” she finished in a groan as he pressed his lips to hers quickly. His mouth was soft, and his lower lip brushed against hers gently as he brought his hands up and cupped around her jaw, the tips of his middle fingers brushing her earlobes on each side.

“Incredible,” he whispered when he pulled back. “You’re incredible.”

“Do that again,” she demanded, and then he was on her but a little more forcefully this time, and his tongue was sweeping the seam of her own mouth which she parted slightly, and when he ran it across again and gained entry he moaned into the kiss and sent a tingling wave of desire straight through her. He tasted like soup and ginger ale, and she was sure he could taste fish on her but she couldn’t stop if she wanted to. 

Experimentally, she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and he clumsily pressed the front of his body into her own, bucking once. She released it with a _pop_ and he slid his right hand behind her head and cradled it, tugging her hair slightly to get her to tilt her chin up.

The kiss he pressed to her forehead was feather light and dry, but it somehow made her knees weaker than the previous two.

“Bedroom?” He asked, and his voice was even lower now, with a rasp she wasn’t sure she would be able to handle if it continued on. 

"Please," she sighed back and wrapped her arms around his neck, arching up onto her toes to kiss his cheek. He flushed again and let her lead him to her bedroom. 

Once inside, he gently pushed her by the small of the back towards the bed, which much to her regret, looked a lot smaller when it was about to be shared with a second person.

"Is this a full?" He sat and pulled his socks off, rolling them neatly together.

"It's all that would fit," she shrugged and went to shuck her leggings but his hand reached out and grabbed hers.

"Don't," he whispered. "Come here."

He pulled her closer, until her stomach was just in front of his face. He pulled the back of her shirt up to expose the smooth skin of her belly, and she squirmed at the feel of his warm breath ghosting across her skin.

Hesitantly, she reached out and curled her fingers around the nape of his neck, threading them through the inky black hair that swooped over his collar as he nibbled at the skin around her belly button.

"You're so soft," he was muffled by his ministrations but didn't desist. "Can I take your pants off?"

She started to nod, but when his fingers hooked into the waistband of her leggings alarm bells went off. 

_Run,_ they said _before he can._

"Rey?" He shook her waist slightly. "Rey!"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes screwed shut. "I don't think I'm ready. You can go now."

His hands left her sides and she waited for the creak of her bedsprings as he stood, but it never came. Instead, he scooped her into his arms and laid back on the bed with her, his nose buried in her hair. 

"It's alright, sweetheart," he murmured, smoothing his thumbs across her biceps while she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I'm not going to leave. You're not alone, Rey."

"Neither are you," she gasped around tears into his throat, his skin warm and reassuring. They lay comfortably for some time, the steady whoosh of passing cars a background to their synchronized breaths. His hands idly wandered up and down her body, but never below the waist or near her breasts and she stroked a steady pattern through his hair.

"Does UberEats deliver here?" He broke the silence and craned his neck awkwardly to look at her.

"Yes," she swallowed a yawn as she answered. He was warm and strong, and the crook of his elbow felt like the safest place in the universe. Warmth was stirring inside of her again, and this time she was positive she would want to see it through. She wanted him on every inch of her, the smell of him on her pillows and blankets, the press of his body wherever she could take it. She trailed her fingers down towards his waistband, but he was reaching for his cellphone and pulling up the app.

"Good," he pressed another kiss to her forehead, full of promise and longing and patience. "I owe you a milkshake."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Prompt worked off of was "Rey and Ben flirt online and have never met in person. Both are great at dirty talk when they're behind a screen but are nervous virgins in real life"
> 
> It got a tad angstier than 2 virgins fucking it out but I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
